Immediately I thought this would've been a great Civil
War era zombie movie without the historical references. But, this movie
was intended to be a mockbuster film. I dunno why there was a need to
mock Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, but there was.
The movie opens with
a young Abe running into his home to find his mother affected by the disease.
She's tied to the bed. Abe's dad tells him that he cannot kill her.
So, he shoots himself in the head leaving little Abe to kill his own mother.
Fast forward into
Lincoln's second term as president. News has arrived at the White
House that a Confederate fort has fought back the
Union's
advances to leave only 1 surviving soldier. He's very sick and barely
alive. When questioning the survivor,
Lincoln
discovers the soldier has an illness that seems to bring corpses back to life.
He then personally leads a team of the new secret service (which was actually
created due to
Lincoln's
death) of 12 men to accompany him in investigating the fort. It
wasn't until later that I thought of this, but there is only 1 scene near the
end of the movie where anybody is riding a horse. I guess everybody
walked where they went back in 1863. Soon, Abe and his men meet up with
Stonewall Jackson and his men via gun fight. The dude playing
Jackson
was
CLEARLY wearing a fake beard. I guess there weren't any D-List actors
(or men in
Georgia)
with beards that day. After Abe and his men win the gun battle they take
over the fort. The zombie plague is discovered, and a plan is set in
motion.
Abe and his men set about the town killing zombies.
They are able to walk among them with ease as long as they are quiet.
I hated that. Among other things, that was a major flaw in this
movie. While clearing the town, Abe runs into his ex-girlfriend turned
whore, Mary. Mary and her daughters have been hiding in their home with
10 year old Theodore Roosevelt. The time frame of this movie is two
years before Teddy was born.
Anyway, while clearing out the town a second time, Mary gets
zombie blood in her mouth and she begins a slow turn into one of the undead.
While this is going on, one of Abe's men, John Wilkinson AKA John
Wilkes Booth plots to release a zombified soldier being held captive. He's
doing this because well, he's John Wilkes Booth. During his speech
to the undead soldier (who does not attempt to eat him) he talks about his life
as an actor and etc... This may be the only historical accuracy in the
film. John Wilkes Booth was actually a very famous actor at the time he
killed Lincoln.
Later, a plan is formed to attract all the zombies to the
fort and blow it up. Once this is done, Mary goes on to tell Abe about
how brave everyone has been. It's now one year later and Abe is about to
deliver The Gettysburg Address. Abe stole every line from Mary.
Apparently, Honest Abe was a plagiarizer.
Once his stolen speech is made, Abe travels to a secret barn
where a doctor is keeping Mary chained up. Abe decides to clean her
wrists where the chains have cut her. Abe is telling her all
about John Wilkes Booth's plans to kidnap him. (Booth's plans to kidnap Lincoln
were real.) But Abe was too smart and avoided the dangerous area where
Booth was hiding. Abe told Mary he even knew what boarding house Booth
was staying in. During all this talking, Mary manages to scratch Abe and
infect him. Knowing there was no hope for himself, Abe sends a letter
to John Wilkes Booth at the boarding house. The letter tells Booth
what has happended, where and when Abe will be. The final scene shows Lincoln
walking through Ford's Theater.
Again, I think this would've been a great Civil War era zombie movie without the historical references. There was some REALLY bad acting. But it was mostly the historical references that hurt this film. On a scale of 1 to 10, this film gets a 3.
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