Dead Heist

How awesome is this movie?  It's still promoted by Myspace.  THAT'S how awesome it is!!

This film is about a group of street pharmacists, AKA drug dealers.  They've decided that they want more out of life.  They want the American Dream.  They want to rob the nation's richest bank.  By the way, this bank is located in a rural town in South Florida where the cops walk around all day due to the lack of excitement.

Anyway, the group goes to their supplier for guns.  After arranging a deal of cash for guns, the plan is put into motion.  The group and the dealer's bodyguard head to Maysville, FL.  I dunno if it's a real town or not, but it's depicted as being very small.

The bodyguard takes a stroll through the town checking things out.  He meets the owner of a Army/Navy type store.  This is where we hear about the mutants that come out once a month.  That's right, once a month.  AND, they migrate south.  AND, they burrow underground.  AND, they crave human blood.  They sound like a cross between vampires and gophers.  But no, they're zombies. Sorta.

After the bank robbery goes wrong, the group and some of the hostages are trapped in the bank.  The gophers...vampires...I uh I mean zombies are outside.  This is where we learn that shooting them in the heart is the only way to kill them.  I know that this is only a movie, and in movies you can do whatever you want.  But, I'm sorry, it's pretty much a rule that zombies can only be killed by destroying the brain.

The director must have told the actors to ad-lib their lines.  That may have been the best part of the whole movie.  The dialogue between the characters seemed real.  It didn't seem fake or forced.  That and the actor that played the body guard, D.J. Naylor.  I think he could be a big time action star.  I tried finding his bio online, but all I could find was that he worked in transportation in two other movies before this one.

On a scale of 1 to 10, this one gets a 4.  Naylor and the ad-libbing brought this rating up.  By the way, Bone Crusher only makes a cameo.  Despite what the promo poster shows, he's only in the movie for a minute or two.

Rammbock

This little film from Germany starts off with Micheal going back to Berlin to see his ex-girlfriend.  Micheal is hoping he can repair their relationship.  Micheal arrives at her apartment only to find a plumber and his apprentice.  Suddenly, the plumber jumps up and tries to bite Micheal.  Micheal and the apprentice (Harper), push the zombie plumber out of the apartment and barricade the door. They look out the window to see that even police officers are trying to bite people.

This film was only an hour long.  The story was slow moving.  But, in a good way.  The special effects were great.  I shortened this review due to the fact that this film was only an hour long.  The lone paragraph above is half the film.  I don't want to give too much away, because something happens to Harper, and he  discovers a new way to fight zombies.  At first I wasn't cool with it, but then I figured that no movie has ever done it before, AND it is possible.

The film does have two flaws. 1. They use sedatives to delay an infected person from turning. I just didn't like that.  2. It's in German with English subtitles.  The film actually scared me.  I looked up Rammbock, and the English translation is battering ram.  When you watch this one, keep that in mind.  The homemade Rammbock saves Micheal & Harper while almost getting them eaten.  On a scale of 1 to 10, this one gets a very solid 9.

Dead Season

This film starts off with a guy narrating.  Basically, he tells us who he is, a paramedic with no friends or family.  He also tells us how he got to where he is, he walked.  Ground zero for this thing started in Pittsburgh.  Elvis (the paramedic) was on duty that day.  He lost a patient.  As he's sitting there putting his supplies back into the ambulance, the patient re-animates.  Thus begins the Zombie Apocalypse!!

The next scene shows Elvis in Miami.  He's talking to a woman (Tweeter) on a Walkie Talkie.  By the extent of their conversation, I assume they do this every night.  Elvis tells the woman that he has a friend that will give them a boat.  Elvis provides shelter for the woman until they can get to the boat.

They finally make it to the boat and sail to a remote island somewhere off the coast of Florida.  Shortly after they reach land, they come across a group of survivors.  This group takes Elvis & Tweeter to a gated community where they live.  After meeting the leader of the group, he decides that Elvis is valuable considering he's a medic.  Tweeter gets to stay because she's with Elvis.  Elvis asks the leader, "What happens when someone isn't allowed to stay?"  The leader tells him, "We'll cross that bridge when we get there."

A few days later, an old man shows up with his infected wife.  A patrol team brings them in.  The wife turns and bites a few people.  The leader is forced to put them all down.  Later, we find out what happens to those that can't stay.  The leader forces Elvis to harvest the old man for organs and food.  Everything in the movie after that revolves around Elvis & Tweeter trying to escape the island.

This one wasn't too bad.  The zombies looked ok.  They didn't look really gory, but they didn't look lame either.  This film was more about the community on the island than the zombies.  I think on a scale of 1 to 10, this one gets a 6.  It wasn't great, but it didn't suck either.

Zombie Women Of Satan

This little British flick revolves around a retired heavy metal singer and a burlesque troupe.  The singer's sister has joined a cult, and the singer wants to rescue her.  The singer decides going on one last tour with the group will help her find her sister.

The movie starts with a performance by the singer and the group. Later you see everyone backstage talking, drinking, snorting, and etc...  The topic comes up about this internet tv show they have to be on the next morning.  The next scene cuts to the hotel they're staying in.  After some very lame Scooby-Doo style run through one door and come out another gags, the group settles in.

This is when we meet the cult group.  This "family" reminded me of a comical version of The Firefly Family.  Here we find out that this family is performing experiments on unsuspecting women.

The next morning, the group travels to a tv studio which also happens to be on a farm.  I'm glad atleast the rock singer knew what was going on.  What dummy would believe they'd be going to a tv studio on a farm?!?!  Anyway, after an an interruption by a member of the cult, the singer spots her sister.  While the group is looking for the singer's sister, the family is trying to hide her and avoid the zombies they've created.

I really didn't like this one.  There was a clown character that looked like he was a fan of ICP.  That didn't bother me though.  What hurt this movie was the bad attempts at comedy.  The clown went off to touch himself a couple of times in the movie.  There was even an extended scene where another character went cross-eyed taking a crap.  Maybe the funniest scene was the zombie in a wheelchair.  So, with all that in mind, I give this film a 3 on a scale of 1 to 10.